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It is just as important for partners to talk through their emotional states as it is for victims, she says.

Tobias recommends checking with local associations of licensed psychologists and psychiatrists for referrals.

A sense of security may be totally absent, according to Paul Tobias, Ph D, a Los Angeles psychologist.

Abuse survivors and their partners should consider counseling, whether it's with a therapist, self-help group, or religious organization, says Judith Herman, MD, a psychiatrist on the faculty at Harvard School of Medicine.

"You didn't cause this, and you can't fix it all by yourself," she says.

But partners can go along to therapy sessions, if invited, as a show of support.

"I couldn't say what I wanted to, and he got frustrated." The impact of childhood sexual abuse on adult intimacy varies from person to person, but experts say Haney's relationship troubles are not uncommon.

Not everyone who was abused as a child reacts as Haney does, preferring casual sex.

But she's far from alone, according to a survey of 1,032 college students published in the November 1999 issue of the Journal of Sex Research.

In the survey, women who had been sexually abused were more likely than those who had not been abused to be more sexually experienced and more willing to engage in casual sex, according to Cindy Meston, Ph D, a survey co-author and an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Texas.

(This was not the case for men.) Such behavior could stem from an unhealthy sexual self-image, she says.

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