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(I mean, you don’t get a say on what your partner wears when you’re dating, either). Just be cool, put in a moderate amount of effort, and have fun.
You only get to set boundaries, and hopefully that meshes with their expectations too.
Casual sex, of course, can suffer from its newness or lack of intimacy on occasion—we all have lackluster one night stand stories. In the same way that it’s fun to stay in a hotel, even if you have no desire to live there, there’s something inherently sexy about getting down and dirty with a new person. Even though you’ll inevitably end up staying elsewhere from time-to-time, casualness is something that you should exude through your attitude, not your apartment’s cleanliness level, so best to just be prepared. Own at least as many pillows as there are sex participants. Buy 17 different kinds so you can switch it up every night! If you’re having casual sex, accept that condoms will always be part of that equation.
The amenities don’t need to be expensive or luxurious—you’re not opening a spa—but you definitely want your guests to feel comfortable. Casual sex, like a delicate mousse, is deceptively complex to get right, easily ruined by over-mixing, and—most importantly—best enjoyed when it’s light and fluffy.
The point is, this isn’t the time nor the place for conversations about how you’re coping with your dad’s new girlfriend post your mom’s abrupt move to Barbados.
Casual hookups can be militantly Sex-Only, or they can involve a drink or two at a nice bar with some Michelob Light-grade conversation. Now, this isn’t an invitation to be boring or taciturn, it’s just a plea for you to keep it easy-breezy. Or, more likely, one person gearing up to want more than casual sex.
If, however, you two fall into the horny pattern of repeating your no-strings boning, you need to establish some boundaries, especially if you ever see one another outside of the bedroom.
At this point, you need to say something like, “Are you cool with keeping this casual?
No big deal if you aren’t, I just want to be on the same page because that’s what I’m looking for.” And then if you crazy kids continue to engage in unattached sexcapades, set more specific rules from there, and accept that it won’t be the last time you talk about them.
The next thing you know, you’re at CVS getting them a cheesy Valentine's Day card.
I’m not suggesting you grab your pants and do a Most hookups don’t start with someone coming up to another person and asking, “Would you be down to have some sex tonight with no expectations for the future and no commitment whatsoever?